Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
