She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
