I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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