people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
