Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
