i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
