Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
