I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
