Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
