I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
