Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(640): View more from

I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease

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(402): View more from Nebraska

4 words: hood of his car

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(310): View more from California

you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour

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(612): View more from Minnesota

ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.

(763): View more from Minnesota

haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.

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(210): View more from Texas

I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin

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(845): View more from New York

She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.

(1-845): View more from New York

she is way to in-touch with her childhood

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(630): View more from Illinois

So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.

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