So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
