I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
