everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize