I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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