Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize