the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize