Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
