trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
