So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
