I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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