if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i think i have two assholes
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize