an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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