Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
