I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
