I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
