So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
