Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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