Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
