The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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