I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
