I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can't turn off my feet"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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