Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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