i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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