Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
