eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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