im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
