Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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