This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
vagina is talking i cant
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
