It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
