I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
