I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
