is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize