just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
