They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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