its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I want her autograph on my taint
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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