I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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