I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
