i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just found a bag of teeth...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
