I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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