Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
