Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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