Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
