dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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