No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
