the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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