i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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