We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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