We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
