Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just invented taco cereal.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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