I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
