Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
