Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You're like the curious george of whores
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
whose ass print is on the piano?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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