I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
