When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
