Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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